Ironman

I totally got sucked in to the online feed of the finish line. I can't believe I am toying with the idea of an Ironman in 2011. I have definitely lost my mind. This goes along with my thoughts of doing a full mary next year and then the Disney marathon in January '11. I decided a long time ago that 2011 would be the earliest I could do an IM after my youngest is in pre-k and then kindergarten. IM Lou seems like the perfect candidate: it's a drivable distance, the weather is similar to here and it's not pancake flat. All good qualities for me. BUT I also decided I wasn't going to go long until I had a tri bike. I guess I need to get my butt in gear and save some cash.

Excluded

It's an odd thing to be involuntarily excluded and to know about it via facebook updates. I'd be lying if it didn't sting just a little.

This isn't the first time it's happen and it stung last time too. I'm probably being too oversensitive, childish and slightly unrealistic. Why would I expect to be invited when I barely talk in person with these women? Maybe because I've known them since my freshman year of college and was always a member of "that group." And since the discovery of Facebook, have had regular interaction with many of them.

The childish part of my mind wants to send them a message. I won't. The realistic part knows that it would only cause more problems then it would solve.

I guess the thing that bothers me is that this is group of us that hung around at college and my husband gave us a name. Now they still use that name even though many are not included. It's dumb, I know. I can't help it. I write about it on here instead of acting out on there or doing something I'm sure I'd regret later.

Sitting here I am thinking about my shortcomings as a friend but that should probably wait until another post. Right now I'm just trying remember that if I'm an "option," this shouldn't even be an issue. I'm still working on it.

My dad and his heart

My dad called me Tuesday night at 10:00 to tell me about some heart "issues" he's been having. I haven't talked to him in a couple of months, haven't seen him in over a year. He told me he failed a stress test 2 weeks ago and yesterday he had an "episode." It sounded to me like he had a small heart attack so he called the cardiologist and he is going to the hospital on Wednesday to have the scope procedure done (I'm drawing a blank on what the procedure is called) and he was told that a bypass is a possibility. I know he's really freaked out about having any kind of heart procedure because (1) with any procedure like that there is always a possibility that it will not go as planned and (2) his mother died in the 70's while having a stent put in her heart. He's already had 2 procedures to put stents in but obviously a bypass is much more involved.

I realized this morning that I had not really thought about him after I got off the phone. I was upset when I was relaying the conversation to my husband but I didn't dwell on it much after that. I learned a long time ago, as a coping strategy, to not think about him too much. And now I've been doing it for so long it's second nature.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about him and my reaction. A friend posted on Facebook, this week, a quote that almost fits this situation, "Don't make someone a priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs." That is how I have felt on many, many occasions; never a priority, always an option. Like I'm part of bragging rights to friends.... "this is my oldest daughter. she's a triathlete. and these are her beautiful children. see what a great father I am."

**Update: He called me Wednesday night and apparently the doctor felt his procedure could wait until Monday. That is probably a good thing because he and my stepmonster are moving this weekend. He is using a Nitro patch for now unless something else happens. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Back to school

I have too much time on my hands these days. We're working on getting back to a routine and my day is locked in to making sure I am home to meet the bus at 3. No ifs, ands or buts about that one. So, most days this week we've been home and I've gotten bored. I know, I know... many people would love to have that complaint but it doesn't work for me. Without a challenge or goal I get antsy - I snack way too much and I try to occupy my time by wasting it on the computer. I need a plan of action. I need a challenge. I need a job.

If you hadn't guessed, school has started again 'round here. It's weird to be back to it after 8 weeks. I actually miss having my older daughter at home during the day. We had a very busy summer and it was over too quickly. It's still early in the year and super hot so it doesn't feel like "fall" quite yet. Soon our lives will be busy with 2nd grade homework, soccer practices, games and Brownies.

That reminds me - I need to find an activity for my 3 (almost 4) year old. I'm sure she'd love do an activity of her own. Hmmm... I'll have to research that. She wasn't old enough for soccer this year, that will have to wait until she's actually 4. She does start preschool next week and she is so excited. She's going 3 days a week from 8:30-11:30 and she can't wait. She is so ready. I knew when I was pregnant that I didn't want to have an August baby (she was due September 4th) so she would always be the oldest but didn't realize (at the time) the huge differences at this age. Even six months is a big difference at this age and she will be 4 in a class of 3 year olds. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she's the oldest. I'm just unsure about how she'll do in preschool: will she be bored? will she get in trouble because she's bored? will she bully the other kids because she's older? It's only 3 hours a day and I know I'm over thinking it. I guess I will find out starting next week.

I could ramble on but this is it for now. I expect I'll be blogging on a more regular basis now that I have to be on a schedule.