Dad

Just when I think I can't or won't get sucked in and he's not really part of me anymore I get blindsided by a phone call and I'm flooded with emotion. I was totally unprepared for the range of emotions after my stepmother called to tell me my dad is in the hospital. He is in for his gall bladder but because of several factors he's still in a bit of a precarious condition.

I called the hospital and was able to get him in his room and sounded fairly lucid considering he's high on pain meds. It was good to talk to him and he cracked a few jokes to keep the conversation light. He filled me in on what is happening, when he'll have surgery and the recovery. It will be a challenging couple of weeks for him and his wife. I'm afraid my oldest sister will probably bear the biggest chunk of the burden because she lives the closest.

As an adult I have mostly "written him off" because it was too hard to keep setting myself up for disappointment and hurt. But then I get one call and I got upset, worried, sad and started thinking if I needed to get out there would I be able to get a flight. It also makes me angry. Angry because he has that kind of "hold" on me that I thought was gone.

He promised to keep me informed and to talk again over the weekend. My gut reaction is that he won't and I'll expect a call that will never come. But in reality he's laid up in the hospital and doesn't have anything else to do.