Holding on

We have been working to get our house ready to host Christmas with the family. We are also having our carpet cleaned so that means lots of cleaning and organizing so it can all be cleaned. It's like Spring Cleaning in December. I have been going through some of my daughter's stuff to get it packed up.

This process means trips to the attic where I am reminded how much stuff is already up there. There are boxes and boxes of baby clothes and many baby items like the swing, bouncy seat and changing table. I can't get rid of them. In the back of my mind I think maybe we'll have more kids. My husband has been opposed to the idea since I gave birth to our second child. I was the opposite - as soon as I had her I thought I wanted more. Now, I'm not sure. I am happy with our two but I don't want to look back in 5 or 10 years and regret we didn't have any more.

A confession: I did not enjoy being pregnant... either time. I am happy with the results but I don't know if I'd want to do it a third (and maybe 4th) time. I wasn't one of those girls who 'mommy-ied' their dolls all the time or dreamed of having children. Once I found out the details of labor, I joked that I would adopt. That changed but thank God for epidurals.

We always have the option of adopting. My husband was adopted and I know he's thought about us adopting. I think if we ever wanted a boy we'd have to adopt..... otherwise we'd be one of those families with all girls!

I am rambling. When I first started thinking about this I had a better outline in my head but I can't seem to get it in the order I wanted. My thoughts are jumbled and I am distracted. I am having a hard time focusing this morning. I think I need another cup of coffee.