I was reminded yesterday that as women, we carry around a lot of guilt. It must be inherent because I don't think men (generally speaking, of course) have that problem. We carry around guilt about our past, the present and sometimes the future... guilt about tasks and chores finished and unfinished... guilt about something we said or didn't say... guilt about our feelings... the list goes on... It's a heavy burden to bear. It's no surprise women are almost twice as likely to have depression than men. Those kind of things just don't bother most men. Biologically, it makes sense. If as hunters and gatherers, they wallowed in any kind of self-pity, then nothing would get done. For women, it seems a bit of wallowing morphs in to action. We can stay idle for only so long.
I carry around my fair share as well; some of it I can explain but most of it I can't. It seems some of it has been there for so long that I wouldn't know what it would feel like to not have it. Right now I feel some guilt about how I feel and I don't know why. Last week I apologized for how I felt and at the time it seemed appropriate but now I'm not sure. Today, it seems like a silly thing to apologize for but I remember on that particular day, I really felt bad about it.
Today I am hopeful. Taking a step, no matter how small, to reach out is at least a start. It's better to do it sooner rather than later, there's no way to tell what next week will bring.
No comments:
Post a Comment