I feel the darkest times have passed, although darkness has a hunger that's insatiable and lightness has a call that's hard to hear. Whatever was happening before.... is gone. I think one cause may be the change of the seasons. It has happened the last 2 Falls when my training has dropped off and the stress and busyness of Christmas is looming. Even now as we're in the middle of Winter, I am more optimistic then I was 2 months ago. I can't pinpoint the reason for the change. The loneliness hasn't changed but right now it's not such a big deal. I have my training schedule to occupy me most days along with my normal household tasks.
I am listening to Indigo Girls and I'm distracted. I remember playing that tape over and over and I think I wore it out. I listened to it all the time. My first car only had a tape player and I played the Indigo Girls, R.E.M., Smashing Pumpkins.... Right now, "Prince of Darkness" is playing. It's a lot easier to have background music when it's a song I don't usually sing along to. Thinking of driving and listening to that tape reminds me of all the trips I made between home and Auburn in my little red jelly bean - an '85 red Honda CRX. I loved that car. It was a 2 hour trip, door to door. I had it down so I knew all of the exits, knew how far apart they were, when I would smoke and when I had to hit the exit for 400 so I'd miss traffic. (if I was coming home on a Friday)
Wow... that was a interesting progression of thoughts. It's funny how something as simple as a song can trigger a whole flood of memories.
1 comment:
I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better! I think sometimes it takes the rough patches in life to appreciate the good. I hope you are able to find something positive out of your struggles too. :)
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